Safety Nets
by perfectpro
Summary: Even after all of this time, they both have shields up. He's decided to finally drop his.


_Hey. Um, when we were dating, did - did I make you feel needed?_

_Robin to Barney, Baby Talk (Season 6, Episode 6)_

They're lying in bed one night, and Robin's imagining putting a skylight in the ceiling, right above where the bed is; after all, it is a penthouse apartment. She can't fall asleep some nights, because there aren't any windows in the bedroom for her to see the stars out of, and she loves watching the stars as she fades into unconsciousness. Barney is sound asleep, snoring slightly, an arm stretched out over her bare stomach. He hardly ever has any trouble falling asleep; he just says goodnight and practically falls asleep on the spot. She's different though. She likes to think for a while before letting herself go to sleep, and even after that she still has trouble. It could be that the cogs in her mind never stop turning; she never is left without a thought in her head. Her mind races, too fast for her to process every thought that comes her way.

Barney stirs lightly for a moment before going back to sleep, and for the brief moment that he regains a small segment of consciousness, he pulls them closer together. A small smile splays itself on Robin's face for a second, and she curls into him instinctively. Unlike other women, she doesn't feel safe in his arms… She feels protected though, and that's safer than anything else she's ever felt. She cranes her neck to see the ceiling and envisions the skylight again. It's a peaceful thought, and that peace combined with the protection she feels combine and lull her to sleep slowly. She's almost reached a deep sleep when a whisper wakes her.

"Do you remember when you asked if I made you feel needed?" Barney whispers with the utmost care in his voice, a finger tracing her spine in the lightest way, and Robin stirs slowly. "It was a little while ago… I said you never made me feel like you needed me; you still don't." He pauses, turning to look into her eyes.

Shifting slightly, she returns the look, but she's wondering where this is going because it doesn't sound like it's going anywhere pleasant. When he remains quiet, she rolls over and faces him. "You know that ever since I've had problems with my Dad, I've been really independent. I can't just start not being that way suddenly," she says, fast, trying to defend herself in case of oncoming blows. She's always been defensive, but she's never had to defend herself against Barney. It's unfamiliar territory and she doesn't know what to do now.

"No, it's not a bad thing. You don't make me feel needed, and that's awesome. You make me feel _wanted_, Robin," he says softly and slowly, smiling as he kisses her. "You make me feel wanted, and that's the most awesome thing I've ever felt," he says once they break apart, and this is the most honest and vulnerable she's ever seen him. Most of the time, he has some kind of shield up, and this is the first time that she's seen him without any shields up at all. He's without armor completely for the first time since (she suspects) Shannon and he broke up.

For some reason, she feels awful at seeing him like this. She wraps her arms around him and doesn't let him see the tears in her eyes as she cries into his chest. She doesn't let her chest heave with sobs, and she doesn't make noises that imply she's having trouble breathing. All in all, Robin does the perfect job of not crying. But she lets tears swim in her eyes and blur her vision, and they spill out over her eyelids after a time. She feels like she's trying to keep swimming after the boat has already sank, and she doesn't even have a reason for feeling like that. Biting her lip, she holds back a sob and struggles to keep breathing normally.

Barney doesn't know why she starts crying suddenly, but he rubs her back in small circles, slowly. He's never been good at talking about, well, anything… Still, he doesn't want her to think that he's utterly useless in this area, even though he is. Robin never cries though, and this is probably the only chance in a long while that he'll have to prove that he doesn't totally suck in the area. When sobs begin wracking through her body, she holds him a little tighter and tries to smother herself. He pulls her a little closer to him as well, and thinks about what he could have done that would have made her cry like this. Breaking his code of silence, he speaks, "Robin…"

She sniffles and lifts her face a little, resting it in the crook of his shoulder. "I don't know," she says tentatively, and she's answered the question he didn't voice. "I'm sorry; I don't know," she repeats and keeps crying. Seeing Barney, the only person she knows who she'd never seen completely vulnerable before, being vulnerable… It makes her wonder what else she knows that isn't real. He always had a shield up; and now that he doesn't, she wonders when she's going to have to let down her own shields.

But for now, even though Robin still has shields and Barney has finally learned how to drop his… For now, they are fine. He is wanted, and she is protected. Which is more than either has ever known before.


End file.
